She Sounds Lovely

[mirabilelectu]

 Birling Day, that most illustrious and potentially lucrative of occasions that unfortunately only rolled around once a year, was always a special day for the crew of MJN Air. It was certainly unusual to say the least, if unusual was a word that could be applied to a day that began with a frisking of the First Officer that had become an airfield institution and usually ended with either the successful theft of expensive whiskey, or a drunken millionaire being dragged off their plane, or perhaps a shouting match between CEO and said First Officer, or on one memorable occasion all three at once.

But today was different, even for a Birling Day. Because on this day the Captain of the aircraft had not slunk in with his tail between his legs, had not flushed angrily at Douglas’s pointed joke about last year’s disaster, and had not even stuttered when greeting the passenger who belittled and berated him on a constant basis. Martin was, well, happy. And it was so strange and unsettling turn of events for the perpetually miserable pilot that it was frankly making Douglas almost nervous. 

It was when Martin began to hum jauntily under his breath even after Mr. Birling had insinuated that Martin would die miserable, poor, and alone that Douglas began to suspect that something was really out of the ordinary. He watched the man he spent so many hours cooped up in a tiny deck with out of the corner of his eye, trying to figure out what on earth had gotten into Martin to make him so calm and so relaxed that he had not yet made a single blunder or mistake in the flight. But when he saw the smile that was hovering over Martin’s lips even when he was looking at the instruments, the easy languidness of his movements, and the far off look in his eyes, it all clicked into place.

“Martin, you dog, why didn’t you say anything?” Martin jumped guiltily and looked over at Douglas with wide eyes, clearly startled by the sudden question. “Was she pretty?”

Martin’s eyes widened even further, and the happy flush drained from his cheeks so rapidly it was as though it had never been. “I – I – I have no idea what you’re talking about Douglas” he stammered.

Douglas only grinned wider, not even bothering to try and hide his amusement. “Come now, it’s obvious. And besides, there’s no shame in it! And if she was pretty then I might even owe you some congratulations.”

But before Martin could turn any paler than he already was or stammer out another pathetic attempt at rebutting Douglas’s assertion, Arthur burst into the flight deck with all of his usual grace and delicacy – that is to say with all the grace of a baby elephant first learning to control its limbs. “Congratulations? What congratulations? I love congratulations!”

The terrified look on Martin’s face only cemented Douglas’s plan. “Well Arthur, I do believe a hearty slap on the back is due to our illustrious Captain here, who if I’m not quite mistaken got lucky with a lady last night. I have no idea how he accomplished this, but that’s the mystery of life for you.”

Arthur’s eyes lit up like lanterns. “Oh, wow! That’s brilliant Skipper! Congratulations on having sex last night!”

A very audible groan came from Martin’s lips, although it was somewhat muffled due to the fact that his face was currently buried in his hands. That groan was silenced however by the sound of approaching footsteps that could mean one thing and one thing only. Martin’s head snapped up, eyes wide with horror as Mr. Birling himself barged his way into the flight deck in his customary illegal trip to see how the plane was flown.

“What’s this I heard about sex?” he grumbled, clearly having overheard the entire conversation on his journey up the tiny plane. “Don’t tell me that pathetic excuse for a man was intimate with a woman last night and I wasn’t, that’s preposterous. How much did you pay for her?”

The pale blanch was instantaneously replaced by an angry flush as Martin gaped and stuttered at the brusque question. “I didn’t – I didn’t pay for sex!” he gasped out, clearly appalled that anyone would ever accuse him of such a thing.

“Now now lad, there’s no shame in it. I’m a man of the world and I’ve seen a thing or two, I just want to know if you got a fair deal of it or not.”

Martin very nearly looked as though he were about to cry from the shame and embarrassment of this conversation. “But I –“

Douglas interrupted Martin smoothly before he could get any further, voice cool and impersonal. “Mr. Birling, I can assure you that Captain Crieff did no such thing as paying anyone for their services last night. He made a lovely woman very happy, and she was quite lucky to have him.”

Silence filled the flight deck after this statement, and Mr. Birling’s eyebrows shot up as he looked over at Douglas in surprise. The two men stared each other down for several long moments, questioning eyes meeting a stony glare until he finally relented with a shrug. “Oh, right, carry on then, chaps. Come along then idiot, I need another drink.” He turned and left the flight deck without another word, Arthur trotting behind him.

In the echoing silence that followed them, the only sound that could be heard was the gentle hum of GERTI’s engines rumbling away beneath their feet. Finally though Martin spoke, voice so quiet it was nearly lost in the sounds of flight. “Thank you Douglas.”

“Think nothing of it, Captain.” Douglas answered evenly. Suddenly he grinned wickedly, causing Martin’s eyebrows to knit together questioningly. “Now, I do believe you owe me every sordid detail about this woman you took home last night, or I will never forgive you.”

This time, the flush that stole over the Captain’s face was smug and exultant and contained not one trace of shame, and Douglas smiled happily to himself to see it. “Well…her name is Molly…”